Byakuya Candies DISASTER
by FallenxSoul
Summary: Hmm... what happens when Byakuya Kuchiki was caught eating a lollypop? What happens when everyone finds out? There is only one thing I can think of ... DISASTER! *FUNNY*
1. Uhoh

Renji walked into the squad 6 barraks to find his taicho engaged in paperwork (what could you expect from byakuya..) but beside him was a HUGE paper bagin which he was pulling out a lollypop and eating it.

"...Kuchiki taicho...?" Renji asked uncertainly, "Why...are you eating candy?"

"Ukitake gave it to Hitsugagya who gave it to Yamamoto taicho to do something about it who gave it to me to give to Yachiru, but she hasn't visited in a while and these are getting expired. As nobility, I must never let food go to waste." Byakuya stated with a lick.

Renji look like he was about to faint and walked out of the room.

--In Squad 10 Baraks--

"YOU WON"T BELIEVE THIS!" Renji announced, " KUCHIKI TAICHO WAS EATING UKITAKE'S CANDY!"

--Silence--

"You are joking..." Hitsugaya finally said.

"How can he eat that CRAP?!" Rangiku was working by her taicho's desk. It was her duty to pass on the latest gossip and this was too good to resist. And for once, she was allowed to send letters under her taicho's name. TALK ABOUT A GREAT DAY...

Byakuya's office

"hmm... What's this strange feeling I'm getting.." Byakuya wondered. He was half way through with his 6th lollypop. "It feels like a warning..."


	2. The Blame

Soifon opened her overflowing mailbox. Yoruichi's mail and pictures poured out. Ever since their reunion, the 2 have been very close. Suddenly with a soft plop, a pink, scented sheet of paper landed. Soifon picked it up, a small frown of curiosity creased on her forehead. The curly handwriting caught her eyes; they widened in disbelieve, Picking up the phone she immediately dialed squad 10 baraks.

"May I speak with Hitsugaya taicho please? Soifon calling."

--

"Masumoto... Did you send all those letters about Kuchiki taicho under MY NAME?" Hitsugaya said a vein pop on his head.

"Um... I ..did?" Rangiku asked innocently, shrinking on the couch.

"MASUMOTO!"

--

Next morning, all the taichos and their lieutenants proceded to the Captain meetings with HUGE bags of candies.

"I still can't believe this..." Soifon said to Rangiku.

"That's what Abarai told me." Rangiku replied.

"Wow...Addicted? Kuchiki taicho? Candy?" Soifon asked unsure.

"Apparently, he couldn't let Ukitake's candies go to waste... it's a nobility thing..." Rangiku said with a proud smile.

"Him and his nobility..." Soifon chuckled, "Still.. Do you know what will happen if Kuchiki taicho finds out that Abarai has been spreading rumors about him?"

"Will... let's just hope he doesn't." Rangiku scratched her head. She would sure pity Renji if Byakuya found out.

Soifon was still hang up in a daze. This was unbelievable, who would have thought the calm, dignified taicho of squad 6 was addicted to candy! Yoruichi-sama sure was shocked when she heard about this.

--

Once everyone arrived at the taicho meeting, they presented Byakuya with their HUGE bags of candy.

"Why are you giving this to me?" Byakuya said annoyed.

"You like candy..." Kenpachi shrugged.

"Eating candy is good for you Byakushie!" Yachiru beamed, handing over her bag.

"Yoruichi-sama sends her deepest congratulations with an extra bottle of sake." Soifon said dragging 3 bags up to Byakuya, "She's glad that you are finally growing up and learning to enjoy yourself."

Yachiru and Hitsugaya smirked.

A vein poped on poor Byakuya's fore head. "And who was the one that told you I was addicted to candy?"

Old Man Yamamoto pointed to Kenpachi, who pointed to Yumichika, who pointed to Ikkaku, who pointed to Yachiru, who pointed to Momo, who pointed to Izuru, who pointed to Omeada, who pointed to Shuuhei, who pointed to Kyoraku, who pointed to Ukitake, who pointed to Mayuri, who pointed to Nemu, who pointed to Nanao, who pointed to Isane, who pointed to Unohana, who pointed to Hanataro, who pointed to Sajin, who pointed to Soifon, who pointed to Hitsuagaya, who pointed to Rangiku, who pointed to Renji who pointed to Ichigo, who was just walking in.

"Sup, Byakuya?" Ichigo asked, "What's with the grumpy face?"

--silence--

"Scatter, Senbonzakura."


	3. Poor Ichi

Everyone backed away as the senbonzakura's blades surrounded Ichigo and nearly killing him.

When Ichigo regained consciousness, he said angrily, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!"

"You told everyone Byakuya was obsessed with candy." Old Man said gravely.

"Oh...I DID?" Ichigo asked dumbfounded.

"The blades are really effecting his brain..." Rangiku said backing Renji up.

"I know" Renji agreed.That was close, he thought.

"Wow... what a loser.." Ikkaku said glancing at Ichigo.

Yumichika sighed, "Just when I thought he couldn't get any uglier..."

"Hey! Look, isn't this Ichi's diary?" Yachiru called happily.

Everyone turn towards her and Ikkaku made a grab for the journal.

He Read:

Dear Diary:

Today I fought with Byakuya Kuchiki of the 4 noble houses in the soul society. What a let-down! I won so easily, his senbonzakura blades were a piece of cake - Are nobility that easy to beat up?

Dear Diary:

What's the big deal with love? Why can't Momo and Rangiku just come out and say that they like Toshiro? I mean it's so obvious. Why can't Yoruichi just admit she likes Byakuya? Isn't it clear that Renji loves Rukia? And what about the Ikkaku and Yumichika yaoi...

Everyone stared at Ichigo. "Yaoi huh?" Ikkaku said, his eyes glowing whitish as they did when he released his bankai.

"Never gossip about Yoruichi-sama!" Soifon warned, her hands clenched into fists.

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT LOVE?!" Rangiku and Momo yelled, their cheeks flushed in a dark shade of pink.

"Beating nobles are a piece of cake for you, huh?" Rukia said fingering her zanpakutos.

"Why don't YOU say YOU like Rukia and Inuoe?!" Renji asked.

"I DON'T" Ichigo lied.

--Then, everyone attacked--

--silence--

"Call squad 4 officers... and get a funeral ready."


	4. Just a bit more

"Hey Byakuya!" Ichigo said in his hospital bed, "You know the candy rumor?"

"What about it?" Byakuya asked, looking from the funeral sheets he was filling out.

"I didn't start it.." Ichigo replied.

"Then who did?" Byakuya asked.

"Well..." Ichigo began...

--

At the sake store...

"Renji you better run for it." Rangiku said.

"Why?" Renji asked.

"I heard that Ichigo claims he knows who spread the rumor." Rangiku replied.

"Oh shit.." Renji gulped, "He better not tell Kuchiki-taicho..."

"About what?" Byakuya walked in, looking dangerous.

"Um... you see..." Renji stammered.

Suddenly the door opened and Urahara walked in.

"Just the man I was looking for." Byakuya turn to face a surprised Urahara, "YOU told everyone that I was addicated to candy. Now you will pay. Scatter Senbonzakura."

"What a liar Ichigo is..." Rangiku muttered under her breathe.

"I'm soo glad..." Renji said carefully walking away from Byakuya and poor Urahara's damaged body.

"Now Abarai," Byakuya said turning to Renji, "What were you going to tell me?"

- Gulp -


End file.
